All That Matters By: Nadiya Shah c. 2008 This month, as I end one chapter of my life and begin a fresh one, I am reminded of some words of wisdom I have heard and repeated often to those I love. Words I have been repeating to myself often these days. All that matters is that you take consistent action in the direction of your dreams. That’s all. Just taking action. And faith. Trusting that your actions will mean something in the long run, even if that seems far away, hard to attain, or ridiculous. The movement alone will create momentum. Momentum that will train your soul. Momentum that will show your soul that you are capable of following up on your promises to yourself. This alone will create a tide of self-respect, and that self-respect is the most important part of anything you could ever reach for, aspire towards, or attain. All that is required to reap great benefits is consistent action and faith. Don’t worry; just do your thing. And trust. I have learnt a lot about consistent action this last year and a half. Running and my studies, they have both been powerful metaphors as to what commitment and faith can bring. It is not that things work out the way I plan, far from it. But where I am now is better then where I was, and where I am now could never have been predicted because it was always about the journey. I began running just over a year ago. I started because I had a lot of energy that I could feel in my body, unwelcome and powerful emotions that I didn’t know what to do with. I felt lost in them, and I intuitively felt that running could restore me. At first I was scared, ashamed that people would see me, self conscious in the extreme. But I could only hold back for so long. I began with a short 1 min run, followed by a 2-minute walk. I did that three times. The next day, I was back for more. Over the weeks and months that followed running became a deeply spiritual practice. From focusing on my breath, repeating mantras, and connecting to the spirit and sky of the day, I came to redefine my relationship to myself, to the world, and to the divine. I came to understand that freedom does not come by divorcing one’s self from the body, disowning it, or saying “I am not my body”. Rather, freedom comes through the experience of being alive, embracing life on life’s terms, connecting to something larger than myself like breath, and feeling spirit infused in matter, feeling my soul alive in and through my body. And now, I am training for a half-marathon, just weeks away. Running it only because I can. Running it because it is a metaphor for endurance of spirit and strength of soul. Running it because I am determined to know and live this metaphor more deeply. This last year in graduate studies has challenged me in more ways than I ever imagined, and also brought more rewards that have exceeded my most vivid hopes and dreams. I have met world-renowned astrologers as equals. I have studied with people who’s work I have respected for years. I got to deeply consider ideas and philosophies that I love from a variety of angles. I left home and travelled far to earn a graduate degree. But somewhere along the way, I showed myself what it meant to reach for something and become changed in the process. Days ago I finished my studies, I have that degree, and now I realize it was never about holding the M.A. It was about who I became in the process. As I end one very sacred and important chapter of my life, forever changed by the process, a part of me knows that it is only just beginning. That my education is never ending. There was a time when I had dreams of being smart. Today, I hold a Master’s degree. I guess that makes me smart. I had dreams of being strong. Today, I can run 12 miles, non-stop. I guess that makes me strong. But now that I have attained these milestones, I realize that the process is never ending. It was never about the attainment at all, by about the journey. As I look back now, I can see that all that really mattered was that I took action. That I followed up on my intentions in small ways each and every day. Instead of reinforcing things I didn’t like about myself, in these instances, I choose to be aware and kept the promise to myself to follow through. What I didn’t like, I took very small, consistent action to accept or change. That was a painful choice at times because it challenged what I knew of myself and made me honest with myself when it was hard to be so. In retrospect, it was also a brave choice, though I didn’t know so at the time. But in keeping that promise, I have found something in me to respect. A treasure that I want to know more about. Uncovering and discovering that treasure was a revelation of my own. Contemplating and exploring its depths is a process I have just begun.  A part of me knows that it is a journey of a lifetime.

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